Fifty shades of WTF!?!? Getting my swing popped (Part one)

I have been thinking about going to a swingers party on and off for quite sometime now. I didn’t know if this was something that I wanted to do for myself or if it was some left over thoughts from my ex still lingering in my head. After going to my sex therapist it was pretty clear that I wanted to experience it for myself.

I first met Mr Swing through AMM. He hosts swinger/gang bang nights around Melbourne. I asked if we could have a meet up first before I made any decision with jumping into the unknown. He is an older gentleman, I guess early 40s, very sweet and a great cuddler. We spoke about the scene, what I was into and what was it that I wanted to gain from the experience. He invited me to one of his events in a few months time which I agreed to. Some time after I received a text asking for numbers for the event. I quickly replied and eagerly awaited for the night to arrive.

So finally the night was here and out of all the weekends to be away Cluck Cluck was going home to Tassie. I needed a contact person so TD filled her place. I was nervous as hell. I rocked up in a cute little black dress, my chunka blocka boots and a bottle of wine. I saw Mr Swing right away and he showed me arround the place. It was a two-story house with five rooms upstairs, one of which was a private room. If we wanted to use the private room we had to tell Mr Swing.

I started to talk to a few of the people who begun to arrive. There really wasn’t many females at this party but it didn’t really concern me. I kept getting a lot of praise from people because I had come on my own. They said that I was in great company and that My Swing’s party are the best to go to. They said that I would feel safe at these parties and really that females get treated with a lot of respect because if we were not there well then there wouldn’t be a party. If I felt uncomfortable at anytime I just had to say no and that was it. I would understand this statement later on. Mr Swing kept touching base with me all night and asking if I was ok, if I felt comfortable and if anyone was annoying me at all. He did make me feel so safe.

Anyways I guess I should get to the interesting parts of the night…

Well this guy and I started to get pretty chatty and after some drinks he asked if I wanted to have a look at what was happening upstairs. I made sure he walked ahead because these steps were so small I thought I may fall over. There was a gang bang happening in one of the rooms with two ladies so he and I made our way to the private room. As we walked in two other guys followed and asked if it was ok if there joined in. I said no not at this time and they walked out. So it was just to two of us in this small room. I didn’t really know what to do. It was strange knowing that I was just there for sex and that was it so…. how do you start? He was just like ‘well I guess these can come off’ and started to undress, so I in turn followed. Of course in style I kept my boots on cos who doesn’t feel like a sexy bitch getting fucked in big boots!?!?!?! Anywho… after de robbing and standing there naked he just says ‘well ladies first, lay down and let me eat you out.’ I’m all for someone being forward and all, so I did. He wasn’t too bad but definitely not the best I have had. It’s hard finding a guy who really knows what he is doing down there. Then out of the blue the door opens and its Mr Swing asking if everything is ok. We should have told him that we were using the room but didn’t. He was fine with it and closed the door behind him. After our interruption I thought I would return the favour. His eyes went straight to the back of his head and he just kept saying ‘wow that feels good.’ Yes that made me feel pretty good about myself and I gave myself a self five in my head. He ended up stopping me and saying he better fuck me now because he was close to cumming. So he put a condom on spun me around and started fucking me doggy style. Within a few moment yes he came but I was absolutely fine with it.

I may not have had an orgasm the whole time we were together but I did find it very hard to get to that point. I’m not sure if it was my nerves from being in an unfamiliar place, the energy from all the people in the house or stage fright from being so close to  a resturant which was next door, it could have been one, all or non of these things and really it didn’t matter because I finally had my swinger party cherry popped. It may not have been in a conventional party scenario but there is much more to this story which I will continue in another post…

Fifty shades of WTF!?!? Stunt Cock

So I have been on a journey to find sex with multiple partners. I have created a profile on AMM (Adult Match Maker) so I can find like-minded people on the same quest. Of course I am not just looking for meaningless sex but a connection. I have been using this site for quite sometime but have never met up with someone until the 1st of May this year. Now this was an extremely awkward, amusing and one of the most funniest sexual experiences I have ever had. While going over my night with TD he came up with the best idea for my blog “Fifty shades of WTF” and here is chapter one!

This guy SC (stunt cock) had contacted me on AMM one day and told me a little about himself and if I would be interested in some fun one day. We exchanged some messages which lead to numbers but then I got sick and hadn’t contact him for about two weeks. While in the city after a meeting with another guy from AMM (I will go into detail with another post) I was left drinking on my own and a little horny. I decided to contact SC to see what he was up to. He just finished work and was about to go to the gym so would contact me when he was finished. I ended up catching up with TD and asked for his thoughts on SC and what I should do. I was hesitant cos I didn’t really know this guy at all. Should I go over to have some fun or continue talking to him for a bit. Well after a few fig cocktails and great conversation we decided to go home. Just as we were about to leave the bar I get a message from SC “Free?” Hmmm… What to do? With a little push from TD and some planning I decided to meet up with him.

Now this is when it all went down hill! In a funny way 🙂

I had texted TD the address of SC so someone knew where I was. I arrive out the front of his house and he comes gets me. His first words where “Wow you look so much hotter in person than your photos!” I was kinda thrown and said thanks. He began backtracking and saying “Not in a bad way I mean just that you do.” We go into his house which is a one bedroom flat. He asked if this is my first time meeting anyone off of AMM, I replied yes. He grabs my hand and takes me to the kitchen and says we should talk for a bit to calm my nerves. He pours me a wine and we literally say about 5 words to each other and he starts kissing me. Hands are going everywhere and I say we need to stop for a moment so I can text my friend to say that I am ok, he says “so they know your not dead right?” I didn’t know what to really say. So I grab my phone and he spins me around, bends me over the bench, pulls down my underwear and starts eating me out. I was shocked! Trying to text TD while that was happening was really hard and weird! It was so hard to not laugh.

I finish my text and grabbed my wine. By this point he is totally naked and I am still fully dressed minus the underwear. He proceeds to guide me to the couch, bends me over it and starts fucking me from behind. I still have my wine in my hand at this point. I look up at the TV and there is porn playing. I am really beginning to think “what the fuck have I got myself into?” I wasn’t scared but more shocked while laughing on the inside. Next thing his phone goes off and I can tell he grabs it. While still trusting I start to think is he filming me? I ask what he is doing and he replies “I’m trying to score some gear.” Oh great! Another guy that is just like my ex. How the hell do I keep picking these guys. He asks if I do drugs and if I want some. I say yes I do but no I don’t want any drugs because I have to work the next day. He finally puts down his phone and pulls me up. I get to put my wine glass down and he guides me to the other couch. He again starts fucking me from behind and within a couple of minutes BAM he cums!

What am I meant to think at this point in time? Am I actually going to get off or is this just going to be a ‘he cums and that is it’ situation? I go clean myself up and go to put on my underwear. While putting them on he asks “are you leaving?” I reply “no, I’m just putting these on because it is uncomfortable after sex and sitting down without any on.” he replies ” well would you prefer to stand?” Like what the????? I am really beginning to think that there is someone wrong with guy.

We talk for a little bit about open relationships and how both of our exs became really jealous. While we are talking his phone is still going off and the porn is still playing, He indicates that he wants some head so I give it to him. Now he is as limp as it gets and I can not get him up what so ever. I am trying all the tricks and nothing is working. I say to him “you seem to pre occupied at the moment” but he insist that we keep trying. My underwear comes off again and he tries to fuck me but it just doesn’t work. I turn around and try to give him some more head but nope… he just will not rise to the occasion, so I tap him on the leg and say “this isn’t working, I’m gonna go.” I couldn’t stay there one minute longer. I knew that all he wanted was a fuck and his drugs. I don’t want that type of lifestyle again. So I put my underwear on, grab my things and walk to the door. I hadn’t even opened the door and he was already on the couch wanking…

I was flabbergasted! What had just happened? I was in and out of his place within 30 minutes! I had to talk to someone. So as soon as I walked out the door I call TD laughing my ass off. I knew that my laughing maybe misread as crying so I tell him “I’m not crying, I’m laughing, Can I come over?” We talked about my first AMM experience for two hours later. We were crying from laugher which made it so much easier to deal with. I don’t look at this experience as a bad one but as a gift that just keeps on giving… laughter!

Now if you are wondering why this guy is called stunt cock it is because of the movie “Orgazmo” and a particular scene where they are filming a porno and just when it is getting close to the money shoot scene someone yells “cut! Stunt cock!” Due to him not being able to get it up he needed a stunt cock…lol

What will the night bring?

So tonight I am going to a friends joint birthday. One is turning 30 and the other 39. I met these people through my ex. Since the split I stopped spending time with a lot of these people, DMF, because I could only imagine what they thought of me.

I had major social anxiety with DMF for a very long time. I was taking way to many drugs and was with a partner that lead me to believe that they didn’t think that highly of me. After a very long time I finally stopped having social anxiety around them and just in general. I think it was the time I started coming to my senses of what my ex was doing.

So tonight is going to be an interesting night for many reasons. First off I am getting on the gear tonight which I am really looking forward to. It has been 3 months since I have had a big night. I actually can’t wait to have some MD and have a MD puddle with someone at some point. You just end up being in a space of complete bliss until the meth start giving you paranoia.

Secondly I do have the possibility of seeing my ex. The last time I saw him was at a party that DMF put on every year called Samsara. It’s a bush doof that is free. Well I saw him with another friend and waved at him. He kinda looked at me weird and waved back. Another girl that I have issues with, that is close to my ex, is also going to be there. I had an encounter with her at Rainbow Serpent. I was really high on GHB and just stood in front of her at her camp site with a few other people and just yelled “HEY!!! How you going?” It was kinda funny cos again I got that weird look. After that though she did unblock me from Facebook so it will be interesting to see if either of them will try to talk to me.

Thirdly the guy that is turning 30 is in a polyamorous relationship. I heard stories about one of their parties that had a ‘fun’ room where people got down and dirty. A fair few of people from DMF are either in open relationship, polyamorous or split. So maybe at some point I could end up having some intimate one on one time.

So what will the night bring???…

A lot of laughs, getting shit faced and the possibility of fun time… we will just have to wait and see xo

A trip down sex lane…

After my last session with my sex therapist I have been wondering what it is I wanted from sex but instead of finding an actual answer I begun to think back at how sex has changed throughout my life. I started to think back to my teens/20s all the way to my 5 year open-relationship.

So I guess let’s go back to the beginning…

I was the frist girl in my group of friends to lose their virginity and when I told my friends why I did it, gosh I didn’t hear the end of what a bad person I was. I was 15 and only knew the guy for 3 weeks. I remember meeting him at the local pools and he was 2 years older than me. My first experience was very pleasant. He took his time and talked me through it, which was very lucky from a lot of first times stories I have been told. Yes of course it hurt, which I guess it would, but it was nice and made me think ‘why the hell do people put so much focus on loosing your virginity?.’ You know how the conversation goes with your girlfriends… ‘I want the first time to be with someone I love’ and ‘I want it to be so romantic and memorable’ well I just wanted to know what it felt like.

After getting a taste of the forbidden fruit I wanted more. I became in ways a slut. I loved having sex and wasn’t going to hide behind any stigma that girls where not allowed to be like guys and sleep around. I was extremely confident with my sexuality and ran with it. In year 11 I experienced my first girl kiss. It was totally out of the blue. I was the first person that she came out to. I remember loving getting hugs from her cos she always smelt like soap. Anyways, while having a smoke in the girls toilets she grabbed me and took me into one of the cubicles, she throw me against the wall and pashed me. It was hard and soft all in one. When she pulled away she apologised but I grabbed her and we pashed some more. It was beautiful.

I enjoyed my single life and never thought that I would change but then I started to try out relationships. I had a 6 month relationship with a guy that was extremely controlling. This was also the beginning of me stopping giving head. He told me ‘I sucked like a vacuum’ but then never gave me further information to better my performance. I just turned 18 when we started going out so when we split my sluthood flared up again till 6 months afterwards when I fell in love… hard! It was love at first sight. I remember sitting in his car and when I looked at him I just thought ‘there is something about this guy and I just have to find out what’ I asked him to marry me and we were together for 6 years. This was a very vanilla monogamous relationship. We really didn’t do anything kink at all. The sex in the beginning was amazing but as time went on well… it just made me feel dirty. He knew what type of person I was sexually before I met him. We had a break about 3 years into our relationship and I had slept with 2 people in that break. When we got back together I just never heard the end of it. I practically felt like a prostitute while sleeping with him after the break.

So 8 months after that ended I was introduced to an open relationship. Most of my life I only believed in monogamy and never heard of an open relationship. I was surrounded by monogamy my whole life. When my ex had asked me if I would like to try an open relationship I had to stop and think for a moment. Was this something I could step into? Could I have my cake and eat it too? I had the opportunity to have my partner but also have some on the side. He really did open my eyes up to what else sex had to offer. Like bondage, being dominated and sex toys. He also made me think about trying a swinger club and orgies. These things had ever crossed my mind! A threesome was the only “group” sex I thought about or had tried. He also got me over my giving head issues.

So with my adventurous mind I begun to explore these new exciting things. I really began to enjoy the thought of orgies and multiple partners but alas we never did get to that stage because of his jealousy. The sex with him in the beginning was fantastic but in the end became robotic. It would be the exact same scenario time and time again. This is what would happen… he would watch porn and get really high, he would go have a shower then come and sit next to me, he would tell me how much he loved me and all the things he would do, I would go have a shower, when I would come down more porn would be playing. I would sit next to him and all the things he said would do never happen, he would cum and I would be left wanting more. Awesome right!?!? Well my libido went out the window and I didn’t want sex anymore.

In the end after being introduced to a new relationship lifestyle and sexual expression I was left in a confused mess. I didn’t know if my sexual desires was mine to own or something I was doing because he wanted to do it. The one thing I knew was that I didn’t want to try a monogamous relationship, or any type of relationship, for a long time. I needed to get back to me first before even thinking of investing my time in another.

So again I left with the question want do I want from sex? I guess I want to further my knowledge on BDSM and the kink world. I like a little bit of pain and would want to explore that fine line between pleasure and pain. I would also like to experience a swinger club which I am going to try sometime this month. I have decided that it is something I want to explore and not something of my ex’s ghost. I also think I need to research polygamy further. Maybe this is what I want from future relationships.

All in all I guess who knows what it is that I want from sex. I just want it to be fun, experimental and take me to places that I have never been before! XO